Senior Spectrum
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June 2008
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Do-It-Yourself Home Improvement
I was once given a country-style plaque that said, “Be nice to your childrenthey choose your nursing home.”
Frankly, it shouldn't be that way. Each person should choose his/her own care facility and not leave it to anyone else.
We hear it all the time from elders: “I don't want to be a burden to my children.” Or, “I want to have my independence for as long as possible.”
And then it comes to where one is going to live when one can no longer remain “at home” or “on their own.” And nothing has been done.
Much of the time the need for a higher level of care is unprepared for by the individual and the decision falls to the children, other family members, or friends.
By avoiding the decision of when and where one wants to move at the time a greater care need comes, the individual has both lost independence and become a burden. What is the general response to the “I don't want to be a burden” comment?
Frequently it is,“Oh, you'll never be a burden.” In reality, that isn't true. It will be a burden- one that may be joyfully carried, just as a child is a joyful burden, but a burden, a load, a care none-the-less.
So if one is really serious about maintaining one's independence and decreasing the weight of the burden, let me suggest the following.
1. Visit group homes, assisted living facilities, and nursing facilities in the area where you live or think you might move to. Chose the ones you like and write out what you like about them. Find out their cost and the services they provide.
2. Interview home care agencies, and find out what services they provide and their cost.
3. Do a cost and service comparison: what it would be to have support in your home VS moving in with a family member (if that is an option) VS moving to a facility. Consider all aspects of life: housing, utilities, personal care related to the activities of daily living, entertainment and hobbies, transportation.
4. Write out what you would like to have happen should you be in a position to need greater care.
5. Talk to your family/friends about it, and give a copy of what you would like done to those who may have to act in your behalf.
Your life may not go that way. But if it does you have exercised your independence by starting the research, opening the conversation, making some decisions, providing guidelines, and lightening the load.
(This article was written by Joann Phillips and lightly critiqued by me. We would like to hear from you with comments at gcnreno@gmail.com)